Rabbit H&M.

HB: "Oh, is that H&M?"
S: "No, it's not H&M--it's a rabbit in a dress!"
HB: "Oh. I thought maybe it was a rabbit H&M."

Kreskin's ESP.

HB: "It says 1...5...fifteen. But that's not right."
Kiki: [look of disbelief]
HB: "Fifteen!?"


Sorry, private joke.

Old vacation quotes, Palm Springs 2005.

Syrup : "Oh my gosh--I thought I'd drawn something really inappropriate in here, but it was just a Pope hat."

HB: "Seaforts Seaforts--the Perfect Name."

Syrup: "My very own Indian Casino--and it could be called, Casino Kumseenomunee."

Syrup: "How are you ever going to impress the Fuhrer if you can't even get the song "Uber Alles" right?"

Mexican Guy at San Simeon: "The road is very ANGRY, my friend."

Syrup: "What do mermaids know? They have terrible taste in tuna."

Kiki: "Crumb brulee--write that down, Syrup."

HB: "Syrup knows her presidents."
Syrup: "No I don't."
HB: "No she does not!"

HB: "My laugh is just like kittens that won't stay in the damn basket."

Decrease the surplus population.

HB: "Three people in that movie can no longer have children."

Back when Sponge Bob was still good.

Technically these aren't HB & Syrup quotes, but...whatever.

Patrick: You're a man now, SpongeBob, and it's time you started acting like one.
SpongeBob: Yeah. Oh, but I'm not sure how.
Patrick: Allow me to demonstrate. First, puff out your chest.
Patrick: Now say, "tax exemption."
SpongeBob: Tax exemption.
Patrick: Now you must develop a taste for free-form jazz.
Patrick: Okay, you're ready.

Spongbob boss: Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?
SpongeBob worker: You don't pay me. You don't even exist. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought.
Spongbob boss: One more crack like that and you're outta here!
SpongeBob worker: NO, PLEASE! I HAVE THREE KIDS!

Neptune: The accursed stove has burnt my finger. Taste thine own wrath, stove! Ha ha!

All right, back to our regularly-scheduled programming.

BYOC.

Some Random Dude at a Table: "There ARE no cows! You want a cow, you bring your OWN freaking cow!"

I'm a pusher.

HB: "Well, it was the first time you'd ever pushed an egg."
S: "It was not! I push eggs all the time!"

For those with sophisticated taste.

Syrup: "Ahhh, the World's Finest Erotic Giftshop! U-TURN! U-TURN!"

Picky murderess.

HB: "I need to kill somebody!"
Syrup: "So kill the cat."
HB: "He'll get hair on me."

PMS Ballet.

HB: "I AM a pissed-off ballerina!"

This is an ex-head parrot!

HB and I were hanging out with our younger cousins. They kept coming up behind us and putting their chins on top of our shoulders. This led HB to call them "head parrots," because their heads perched on our shoulders like parrots on the shoulders of pirates.

HB: "Elevator voice, head parrot!"

...

HB: "You guys--if we're quiet, Syrup might give us money!"
Syrup: "What!?"

...

HB: "You guys make terrible head parrots."

I love Madlibs.

"An all-poodle choir will be singing such distasteful children's classics as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Testicle.""