PMS Ballet.

HB: "I AM a pissed-off ballerina!"

This is an ex-head parrot!

HB and I were hanging out with our younger cousins. They kept coming up behind us and putting their chins on top of our shoulders. This led HB to call them "head parrots," because their heads perched on our shoulders like parrots on the shoulders of pirates.

HB: "Elevator voice, head parrot!"

...

HB: "You guys--if we're quiet, Syrup might give us money!"
Syrup: "What!?"

...

HB: "You guys make terrible head parrots."

I love Madlibs.

"An all-poodle choir will be singing such distasteful children's classics as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Testicle.""

Cranky claim jumper.

HB's charming roommate: "HB was taking a nap and I was bored."
Syrup: "Pounce on her. She loves that."
HB: "No pouncing! I needs m'naps."
S: "You sound like a cranky claim jumper."
HB: "That's my alternate persona, Willie "Naps" McLogvaulter."

The horse your man could smell like.

Boyfriend J (attempted sexy Old Spice man voice): "I'm on a horse."
Syrup: "Hahahahaha..you don't sound like him at all!...you sound like the horse!"

Enneagram Test

Apparently I'm a type six?

COMPLETELY UNRELATED.

S (in a haze of sickness): "There's a web of mucus in my throat...ahh, skeet skeet motherf---[boyfriend J squishes my cheek with his forehead]--no, not on my face!"
Roommate (in living room, unable to see us): [endless laughter]